OT: self-worth

**robin0850** · November 28th, 2005, 01:16 PM

Here is something I would like to tell all young people:

I believe that children and young people are like snowflakes--every one beautiful, each one unique, each one perfect--the handiwork of God.

Everyone wants to be pretty and smart, but remember that that is not what others love about you--you are loved because of the beauty and goodness in your heart.

Beauty contests for your age group kind of make me sad, since only one winner can be chosen, thus setting one pretty girl above many other contestants, all of whom may be equally or uniquely beautiful in her own right.
So go ahead and enter beauty contests if that's something you enjoy, but remember that there are many different standards of beauty, and just because you didn't win, doesn't mean you aren't beautiful.

Remember the snowflakes!

[img]smile.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

**lscogbill** · November 28th, 2005, 03:24 PM

Originally posted by StarTrekCaptain:
What ARE you supposed to base your self-worth on? [ November 26, 2005 11:17 PM: Message edited by: StarTrekCaptain ]

"The content of your character"

Whatever you do in life, there will always be someone smarter (even if you're valedictorian ... wait until you get to college), prettier, a better dancer/swimmer/soccer player, etc. And the best swimmer in the world today may lose the next meet. Just remember to be the best person you can be. In order to have self-worth you have to appreciate your accomplishments, not just attain them.

**kitschywoman** · November 28th, 2005, 05:41 PM

I have a friend who says, "if you have to chose between a 4.0 and a good time in college, don't pick the 4.0."

I'll second this. I worked my bum off in college and graduated first in my college with a 4.0. Looking back, I wish I'd taken more time for myself. Heck, I'm not even working in the same field that my degree is in, and that's becoming more and more common these days.

And pretty is as pretty does. I'll never be the prettiest girl in the room, so I've decided to be the fittest. I'm sure you've got several qualities that put you head-and-shoulders above the crowd. Why not nurture those qualities and make yourself stand out even more?

Beauty fades, but your personality only strengthens with age.

(But, if you're determined to improve your appearance, I always tell people to start with their posture. A strong, confident posture will always draw attention. Self-confidence is a very attractive trait in many people's eyes.)

**stepshigh01** · November 28th, 2005, 08:00 PM

Originally posted by Ann O. Nymous:
Honey, you are a specially made child of God. He made you and He loves you. You have a purpose in this world, even if you don't know what it is yet. Never forget this.

I agree. This is funny cuase only yesterday I was thinking, "I'm not smart. I can't do anything right. At times I can be too shy. I'm not at all pretty." Plus several other things you wouldn't be interested in and I wouldn't care to say. But then I realized, Why not be the BEST you CAN be. In everything you do, try to put joy in it and do it the best you can- that doesn't mean PERFECT. That means your best. And about being pretty- there is always people who will think you are beautiful. Your parents, God, (Well, yeah, he made you look the way you do. Doesn't THAT mean something? He thinks you're BEAUTIFUL! [img]biggrin.gif[/img] ) and always that someone that you may have not even met yet. I've tried this, and it works, if you try to be the best you can be, not caring what other people think, (I know it's hard.) you are happier, and you look prettier. I think all girls deal with wanting to please others- but don't let that get in the way blocking your view of who you really are. Beauty is not skin deep, it can be very beautifull in the heart. So you don't get perfect grades- at least you did you're best. My personal thing is expecting an F, so when you get a B or C you squeal with delight. At least ya didn't FLUNK, right? [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

**heidiabigail** · November 28th, 2005, 08:26 PM

I graduated fourth in my class from high school, and was disappointed with that. I always had high A's and complained about 93's. I was a perfectionist, and always put in 110%. Then I failed my drivers test. That was almost three years ago and I still haven't gotton up my courage to try again. I failed because of road conditions that were out of my control, and I need to get over it. Learning to gracefully fail is a skill I wish I had gained before.

When I came to college, I was out to prove myself. My older sister told me I wouldn't be able to stand the pressure, and that I would cry and run home. I accepted the challenge and aimed for the 4.0. I have had one A- in college so far, and I only have one year left. Here in college I met my fiancee. He opened my eyes to the idea that I was being selfish when I always had to get the A, especially when I complained about my own stupidity at getting less than an A. For many people, it is all they can do to pass. If I demean myself for getting a B, I am insulting them deeply. I had never thought of it that way, and I have been trying really hard to be more considerate. There are more important things to worry about that my grades. I need to worry about being a loving friend and being willing to sacrifice anything.

I gave up on self image a long time ago. I had a lot of struggles with acne in high school and I was wicked self conscious. Nothing worked to take it away, and eventually I threw in the towel and decided I wasn't going to worry about it anymore. Haveing less stress alone makes my complexion improve, though it is no where near as bad as before anyway. I was washing it too much and making matters worse for myself before.

If you are fostering relationships and making concious efforts to be a better person, you are in the right spot. Who cares if you are the prettiest (yeah, i know you care now, but we need to think realisticly. Do your friends like pretty people more than plain people? If they judge people solely on looks they may not be the best friends for you). Also, there are thousands of beautiful people in the world, and they can't all win the beauty contests! I think it is horrendous to have beauty contests in the first place. It makes people worry about their image far too much. Image is not what is important. Are you a loving person? Are you always there for your friends? Do you honor and respect your parents? Those are things you need to worry about- not your looks.

As someone who has struggled with this personally, it is a relief to let it go. You don't have to be the best. I don't have to be the best. I like to smile and say to myself that I could have been the best if that was where I had chosen to apply myself, but I made a choice about what was most important to me, and grades/beauty was not at the top of my list. I have stayed up all night instant messageing a friend with a troubled heart. I had a huge project that I was supposed to be working on, but people are more important. I would rather focus there.

[ November 28, 2005 04:35 PM: Message edited by: simplepretty ]

**lscogbill** · November 28th, 2005, 08:27 PM

Originally posted by kitschywoman:
<blockquote>quote:<hr /> I have a friend who says, "if you have to chose between a 4.0 and a good time in college, don't pick the 4.0."

I'll second this. I worked my bum off in college and graduated first in my college with a 4.0. Looking back, I wish I'd taken more time for myself. Heck, I'm not even working in the same field that my degree is in, and that's becoming more and more common these days.

And pretty is as pretty does. I'll never be the prettiest girl in the room, so I've decided to be the fittest. I'm sure you've got several qualities that put you head-and-shoulders above the crowd. Why not nurture those qualities and make yourself stand out even more?

Beauty fades, but your personality only strengthens with age.

(But, if you're determined to improve your appearance, I always tell people to start with their posture. A strong, confident posture will always draw attention. Self-confidence is a very attractive trait in many people's eyes.)<hr /></blockquote>True story: some execs of a local company were traveling on the company's jet and one was talking about his degree from a top-notch university and his awesome grades there. The president of the company noted that he himself had average grades at another college but "look who's working for who" [img]wink.gif[/img]

**Wingin_it** · November 28th, 2005, 11:05 PM

I have felt how you are feeling. High School was hard for this exact reason.

I have learned a few things about self-worth since then. Personally, I think self-worth has to be based on something that is not a comparison with others. Don't think you have to be better than someone else to feel good about yourself. This life is not a competition to see who ends up on top. Although pageants and contests may be a fun hobby, if they make you feel inadequate, maybe you should do something that emphasizes the good you have within you, and the love, kindness, and happiness you are capable of bringing to others. For me, I learned this when teaching English in Russia to Kindergarten children. I lived with a family there and was able to share my resources and time to teach English to their 11 year old daughter. I was able to take her with me as I traveled all over Russia. Something she would not be able to do with their extremely limited money. I bet if you got creative, you could find a million ways to help other people around you. Maybe even something related to your interests and hobbies.

Having high goals and standards is a wonderful thing, but don't feel like your worth is based on it. At the end of your life, it won't matter what your grades were. What will matter are the lives you influenced.

--Sheree

--Sheree

Thread: OT: self-worth

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